Pick up the pace: eliminate verb villains

Once a writer has learned to avoid the use of the passive voice, the next step is to work on his or her choice of active verbs. The verbs a writer uses should be as specific as possible. The use of specific verbs: 

• creates a clearer, more vivid image in the reader's mind.
• helps the writer avoid overuse of common, non-specific verbs.

Many writers fall into the habit of depending on certain non-specific verbs, using these verbs so frequently that they jar the reader into noticing them, thus distracting the reader from the story. Anything that distracts the reader from the story slows the pace. Whether you are writing fiction or non-fiction, skillful pacing is one way to keep the reader eager to continue reading.


There are a number of these overused verb villains, and they may vary from writer to writer.  Common culprits include but are not limited to:  go, turn, move, get, come.


Below is an example of a short selection that needs revision. The verb villains in the example are highlighted. Two other verbs which could be improved by replacement with more specific verbs are in boldface.


I heard a noise behind me. I turned and saw a huge man with a hammer in his hand. When he moved toward me, I screamed. 

Rodger shouted from upstairs. I yelled his name and heard his footsteps coming down the stairs. The man turned and ran out the door. I moved to the bottom of the steps and turned to hug Rodger as he reached the bottom step. When I told him about the man, he moved past me, picked up the phone, and dialed 9-1-1.

These two paragraphs should relate a tense, exciting scene, but the use of non-specific verbs greatly reduces the impact.

Below is a revision using more specific verbs.

I heard a noise behind me. I spun around and saw a huge man with a hammer in his hand. When he stepped toward me, I screamed.

Rodger shouted from upstairs. I yelled his name and heard his footsteps pounding down the stairs. The huge man wheeled and raced out the door. I dashed to the stairs and hugged Rodger as he reached the bottom step. When I told him about the man, he slipped past me, grabbed the phone, and dialed 9-1-1.


Each verb revision in the selection gives the reader a more precise mental image of the action. Although the paragraphs need further revision, replacing the non-specific verb villains is a definite improvement.

In Brief:  Beware of overuse of non-specific verbs. Revise to eliminate them from your writing.

Purge the passive - active and passive voice of verbs

Whether writing fiction or non-fiction, a writer needs to keep his or her language active. Passive language is less direct and has less impact. Consistent use of passive language slows the pace and may cause readers to lose interest.  There are a number of ways a writer's language can become passive. One common way is the frequent use of the passive voice of the verb.

An action verb is in the active voice when the subject is doing the action and in the passive voice when the subject is receiving the action.

Active:    The wide receiver caught the ball in the end zone. [The subject - wide receiver - is doing the action of catching.]


Passive:  The ball was caught in the end zone by the wide receiver. [The subject - ball - is not doing the action of catching.]


The passive voice is formed using some form of the verb be with the past participle of the verb.


By looking at the two examples above, you can see that the passive voice slows the pace because the passive sentence is longer. In addition, any change in the customary word order (where the subject is the performer of the action, is placed near the beginning of the sentence, and is followed by the verb) causes the reader to slow his or her pace of reading.


While using the active voice is preferable, there are two instances when the use of the passive voice is necessary.

• The passive voice can be used when the person who performed the action is unknown.

The walls of the room had been painted a pale green. [The painter is unknown.]

• The passive voice can be used when the writer wants to emphasize the receiver of the action. In a sentence, the subject of the sentence is accorded more attention or importance than the direct object. Thus, making the receiver of the action (normally the direct object) the subject of the sentence gives the receiver more emphasis.

The doctor gave all the children a flu shot. [The emphasis is on the doctor.]

All the children were given a flu shot by the doctor. [The emphasis is on the children.]

Note: When the verb is in the passive voice, the person who does the action (normally the subject) is often indicated in a prepositional phrase beginning with by.

In Brief: Use active language in your writing. Avoid using the passive voice of verbs.

Writers must read

Reading is an indispensable skill and a requirement for a writer. Reading has the power to transform writing, and extensive reading can perform magic for a writer.

While those statements reflect truths, they are general. Such general statements can be more frustrating than helpful, so I'll give you a personal illustration of the importance of reading to writing.

As a high school English teacher, I was taught that frequent reading improves not only a student's reading but also his or her writing skills. I did not question that assertion because it made sense. (Scientists have undoubtedly conducted studies which show the correlation.) Still, knowing something intellectually is not the same as actually experiencing it. I finally had the chance to see a dramatic demonstration of the relationship between reading and writing when I had children of my own.

I blush to admit that my children's writing abilities were less than stellar. I proofread all my daughter's papers through tenth grade and cringed at the errors and deficiencies. While she made the corrections, neither my efforts nor her teachers' had lasting results, and she continued making the same mistakes.

During the summer between tenth and eleventh grades, my daughter raided my shelves of historical romance books and read a good number of them. This surprised and pleased me because she had never done much voluntary reading before.

In the fall, she began a college prep English course. I braced myself to proofread her first paper, but instead of the usual substandard effort, her writing had improved so much that I wondered if a ghostwriter had typed the paper through her hands. The paper needed little correction. I was too dumbfounded to figure out the reason for the improvement myself, but when I mentioned the miracle to my husband, he blithely said, "Of course. She's been reading all summer."

The light bulb went on!

[FYI: My daughter is now in her eighth year of teaching elementary school; now she gets to do the correcting!]

In brief: If you want to be a writer, read ... read ... read!

Hyphen or dash - what's the difference?

A hyphen and a dash are both relatively short horizontal lines. For that reason, writers can be unsure about the difference between the two and confused about whether to use a hyphen or a dash in a particular situation.

• A hyphen is used to join two words to form a compound word.

Our daughter and son-in-law live in North Carolina.

Note: You may see compound words, such as African American, written both with and without hyphens. Such compound words are not hyphenated when used as compound nouns but are hyphenated when used as compound adjectives.

• A hyphen is used in writing compound numbers from twenty-one to ninety-nine.

Helena celebrated her twenty-first birthday by taking a Caribbean cruise.

• A hyphen is used in writing a fraction which is used as an adjective.
  

A change in the by-laws requires a two-thirds majority vote of the membership.

• In handwritten material, a hyphen may be used at the end of a line when the entire word cannot fit on the line. The hyphen is placed at the end of a syllable where the word is divided to indicate that the syllable(s) at the beginning of the next line are part of that word. (This also applied to typewritten material, but with computer word processing programs, writers using computers no longer hyphenate words at the ends of lines.)

Note: No spaces are used before or after a hyphen.

A dash is a longer version of a hyphen. A dash is created by typing a space, two hyphens, and another space. Many word-processing programs automatically combine the two hyphens into a dash. Others (like this one) do not.

• A dash can be used in place of a colon to introduce a list.

The student art show included a wide variety of art forms -- paintings, lithographs, collages, mobiles, and sculptures.

• A dash can be used to indicate a sudden break in thought or an interruption in dialogue.

I think I'd better -- on second thought, maybe not!

"Well," said Darla, "if you would just let me -- "
"No way!" cried her brother.

• A dash or pair of dashes may be used to set off parenthetical information in a sentence. In this case, dashes create a greater break than commas, though not as great as parentheses.

The china horse -- the one Jenny had given me for my birthday -- fell off the shelf during the earthquake.

In brief: Hyphens (no spaces between hyphens and words) are used to join words. Dashes (spaces between dashes and words) are used in various ways that separate parts of sentences (as explained above).